When the Holidays Hurt: Facing the First Season Without Them
The holidays are supposed to be bright and warm, but grief doesn’t care about the calendar.
If you’re facing the season without a pet who was part of your daily life, the “festive spirit” can feel like pressure instead of comfort.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not handling the holidays badly. You’re grieving—and grief moves at its own pace.
Why This Season Hits So Hard
Losing a pet isn’t just losing a companion—it’s losing the small rituals that shaped your days.
The things you didn’t realize mattered until they were gone.
The way they hovered around the kitchen while you cooked.
Their spot under the tree or beside the couch.
Cold morning walks that felt like a shared secret.
The simple comfort of knowing they were there.
The holidays amplify absence. Everywhere you look, the world is leaning into cheer, togetherness, and “magic.” When your heart feels cracked open, that contrast can be brutal. And no one really warns you about that part.
The First Holiday Without Them
The first season without your pet is its own kind of milestone—a painful one.
You might be surprised by what hits you and when. Sometimes it’s a wave of sadness out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s the numbness that makes everything feel muted. Both are normal.
You may catch yourself looking for them and then feel the sting of remembering. You may feel pressure from others to “be okay” or “enjoy yourself,” even when your heart isn’t in it. That pressure can make the grief feel even heavier.
Here’s the truth: you don’t have to perform anything for anyone.
Your relationship with your pet was real. The emptiness you feel is real too.
How to Get Through the Season
(Without Pretending)
You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to be festive. You just have to be honest with yourself.
A few approaches that people find helpful:
Lower your expectations for yourself—emotionally, socially, everything.
Let go of the traditions that hit too hard, and keep the ones that feel comforting.
Set boundaries with people who don’t understand or who minimize your loss.
Give yourself permission to leave early, take breaks, or cry if you need to.
Allow the grief to move instead of bottling it up. Emotion needs space.
You’re not failing at anything. You’re adjusting to a life that looks different now.
Small Ways to Honour Them
You don’t need a big ceremony. Tiny, honest gestures carry more meaning than most people realize.
Light a candle in their honour.
Place a suncatcher or ornament where their presence felt strongest.
Add a photo, a collar, or a paw print to your holiday space.
Write one memory on a slip of paper and keep it with you.
Donate food, toys, or blankets to a shelter in their name.
It isn’t about creating a perfect tribute—just a small moment of connection.
When the Grief Sneaks Up
Holiday grief has a way of catching you off guard.
A song, a smell, a familiar scene… and suddenly your chest tightens in that old, familiar way.
This doesn’t mean you’re “back to square one.”
It means you loved deeply, and your heart remembers.
When it happens, pause. Breathe. Let the wave come and go. You’re allowed to feel everything.
If Someone You Love Is Going Through This
You don’t need to fix anything. Just acknowledge the pain.
A simple:
“I know this season might feel hard without them. I’m thinking of you.”
…is more comforting than people realize.
Show up. Sit with them. Let them miss their pet without rushing them through it.
A Final Word
This holiday might not look like past years.
You might not have the same energy or the same spirit. That’s okay. Grief changes the landscape of a season, but it doesn’t erase the love that shaped your life with your pet.
You’re not alone in this.
Be gentle with yourself.
Let this season be whatever it needs to be.
And if you need something to hold onto—light a small reminder of the love that hasn’t gone anywhere.